is the closest I get
to the hunt
and damn, I’m good at it.
I could kill a lion with my Visa debit card.
I think I love it even more
than conflating metaphors;
for I am a Ninja of gift-buying.
I could slay your entire family
with just a few well-placed Penguin Classic Editions;
death by a thousand paper-cuts,
killing them with kindness.
And when you find that perfect gift,
that shiver running down your spine?
that’s when you realise I’m standing right behind you
with my blade at your throat.
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