(Wherein our intrepid hero invents a new food-group)
At some point last night, roughly around 9:30, having attended the opening of “Forgot to Remember” at Somedays Gallery, I found myself, (with a few beers ‘neath my belt) debating the merits of a food combination. It was my thesis that like peanut-butter & honey, or strawberries & chocolate, it was an foregone conclusion that the combination of pizza and pancakes would produce a taste sensation hitherto unrivaled in the annals of culinaria. It is safe to say that I have no recollection of how this topic was broached, nor how I came to this conclusion, (though the fact that I most certainly was the one who had the idea in the first place may have had something to do with it) the fact that we were heading to Pancakes on The Rocks meant that I would soon be presented with the opportunity to rigourously test my theorem under exacting laboratory conditions.
On arrival I was disappointed (though not at all surprised) to discover that the fine institution of Pancakes on The Rocks was unwilling to furnish me with a half-pizza, half-pancake meal. As though that would stop me! Thus I found myself ordering both a short stack, AND an Italian Salami pizza – the rigours of science are not for the miserly – nor the faint of stomach. To this I added a strawberry daiquiri. Finally, my meal arrived and, remarking “This enterprise calls for a serious hat“, I donned my marvellous hat and partook of that first fateful forkful. The taste sensation was, naturally, unusual. It is a rare and precious delight, I find, to encounter a truly novel flavour these days. Widespread multiculturalism has ruined most chances of undiscovered delicacies – you should, as a good cosmopolitan, already have encountered them all. Nevertheless, I can happily say that truly, it was delicious. Indeed, my various compatriots were convinced to partake, and agreed that it was, on the whole, “not bad“. – A note, by the way, on the best method of consuming this delicacy: the maple syrup, properly applied, will substantially reduce the structural integrity of the pancake. Thus, support is necessary. Therefore, the best method of consumption is as follows: cut roughly equal portions of pizza and pancake away from the main body of food, keeping in mind that the combined amount should be appropriate for one mouthful. Put a small quantity of the provided ice-cream on top of the pancake, which should have already, of course, been liberally doused in maple syrup. Skewer the piece of pancake with your fork, and then lift it onto the piece of pizza, which you then skewer as well, the fork passing through the pancake into the pizza. The pizza then provides a stable platform to support the fragile pancake on the perilous journey to your mouth. If you have done this correctly, you should have a layered substance, in this order: ice-cream, pancake, pizza – with the pizza on the end of your fork.
Now, it would be folly to have gone to the effort of setting up an experiment merely to determine the deliciousness of a certain combination. Thus I did my best to attain as many useful results as possible, that I might furnish you, gentle readers, with said information. Therefore: on the arrival of my meal, one of my compatriots remarked “there’s no way you’re going to eat that“. What he meant, naturally, was that he speculated that the combination would be abhorrent, and I would find myself unable to complete the meal. Now, I tended to agree that I would struggle to complete the combination, but for very different reasons. I had no doubt that the combination would be delicious, but the problem was that as I was not allowed a bespoke meal, the only way of achieving the combination was by ordering two whole meals. Granted, I got the smallest order of pancakes that I could, but nevertheless, I was faced with a not-insubstantial quantity of food. However, on partaking of the meal, and its notable deliciousness, I found that completing the meal, whilst substantial, would not necessarily be an impossible task. Add to this my resolution to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the combination was workable, and it was clear that the plates would have to be left barren. And so I did. I even washed it down with what was, frankly, a sub-standard margherita. However, it cannot be denied that afterward, the sheer quantity of food consumed weighed heavily on my stomach, prompting my remark “you know you’ve had a good night when your chief concern is getting home without throwing up.” In conclusion, then, it can be said that consuming an entire pizza, a short stack of pancakes, a strawberry daiquiri and a margherita is not, really, a terribly good idea. What I would recommend, however, is sharing said concoction with a friend – a pizza and a regular stack should divide fairly well between two.
Just skip the margheritas.